Lonely in Crowds

Tonight was my teams Christmas party.

In truth I have been feeling under the whether for a few days, however I still don’t understand why I am the way I am.

I feel lonely in crowds, I don’t know how to do small talk, and don’t like loud music. So I paid and left and when there were no taxis outside, I walked back to the hotel, 3 miles in the dark and the snow.

I hate feeling like this and at this moment all I want is to be hugged by Belle. I have had 3 glasses of wine, so I wont drive home, I will try and read then sleep.

The truth is put me in front of a customer and I can perform, but me in a social situation and I am inept!

Those who know, know its not them!

I am back, but not with a lot to say.

Work is good, the holiday was great, and my teams are going ok.

The thing that brought me back to the cathartic world of e-space was the question of family.

I am the last person to say that you should because of family. But there are some bonds you don’t break, some deals you don’t drop out of, some things you just don’t do you those of blood.

This week I have been shocked and disappointed at the actions of two members of my family. Maybe I should say ex members of my family as I will have nothing to do with one of them moving forward.

The trouble with families is you feel responsible for them, and at the moment I cant fix the problem. Will my life be worse, probably not, however that doesn’t stop the worrying.

So I will do the best I can for those I love, and anyone who crosses them can go to hell!

When your world turns on its head, make sure you time your jump right so you land on your feet.

When there are more questions than answers

There are just 7 sleeps til holiday, and there is so much to do.

Packing, printing (hotels, tickets, routes, stuff), work oh so much work, and its to hot to do anything. The last week has been a bit of a customer road trip. The good thing is I seem to be able to make the content, not happy, but accepting, and its great. I hate meeting people, being the person in the spot light, but it would appear I am quiet good at it. I can get people to buy into me, create a web of trust, that helps to lead them to the right place. It still means I need to get the team to deliver and that is easier said than done.

Today’s question is can you make people care? Not the superficial caring that everyone trots out, but the caring that means you ensure things are done. Where you understand the simple concept of customer service, and deliver it. Where managers can hold more than 2 thoughts in their heads, and there is not the need for a hub.

Answers on a postcard, with a free H20 experience for the best solution.

In other news, it is to hot, I am melting, just without the obvious weight benefits that that could have.

So the last 7 days have been ok, better than last Fridays outpourings would have suggested, and Somerset managed a record breaking win against Yorkshire, so to be down would just be churlish.

By this time next week, I will be in France, we will have a good idea if this really is the worst Aussie team in the last 20 years, playing the worst England team, since, the last worst England team, and it will have rained at least once.

Enjoy!

Downs & Ups

This blogging thing is a bit strange, I have not written anything for weeks, because I have not had the time, or the inclination.

That’s the problem with cathartic writing you only write when you need to, but as soon as you put a URL out, people expect……..

So whilst this entry will give you a catch-up on the last 6 weeks, it will start with how I am feeling right now.

The answer is flat.

The truth is I don’t know why, I am missing my Mum (who I saw 7 hours ago), my Dad who I never seem to see, and who feels so far away, and my baby sister who I don’t see often enough. I want to cry, or sleep, or scream, but want I really need is sleep. At least I am at home with Belle, that makes things better.

It is so nice to be home, I miss Belle when I am away, and I cant wait until our holiday. I know most people think the driving is excessive, but it is great to spend time with Belle and be able to have random chats.

So enough of this self indulgent crap, what has been going on in my world in the last few weeks.

I guess I should work out what was the last thing I wrote, but to tell the truth I cant be bothered.

So want has been happening.

It falls into 3 categories:

Work – Good
Cricket – Mixed
Stuff – Who knows

Work

So I am almost 2 months into the new job, and it feels like we are heading in the right direction. The new structure is bedding down, I have some strong people, and a clear idea of what must be done. The frustration is how long it takes to get things changed. But we hit month ones targets, I expect to hit month two, and that only leads month three to achieve Q1. I am enjoying the sales and product elements of the role, and it is nice to discover that all the things I thought should happen in my previous roles, do make the differences I expected. It will take some time, but we will get there.

The biggest change has been the amount of time I am having to spend with customers. For a shy yokel, that is a big challenge, especially when you have to sell the future, the vision, a bit of yourself and a large chunk of deliverable. By the end of August I will have spent more time with different customers in this role, than in all my non delivery roles put together.

Its tough when the success of your business relies on whether people buy you, not your team or your products. I can do ‘jazz hands’ in front of a crowd, but I am not the person for people to buy into.

That being said I appear to be able to fool most of the people most of the time, so maybe we will get away with it?

Cricket

Its 2020 time, or t20 as it appears to have been renames. In world cup games, I can say that my teams lost every game I saw live. In the domestic league the Sabers have qualified for the quarters with a game in hand, and have generally played well.

The weather has been an arse, especially the last two days, where the game I went to was rained off, and the game I decided not to go to due to weather was one of the best games of the season. Hay-ho!

Stuff

I have been trying to be sensible, that has involved missing two concerts that I had tickets for, being drive, rather than driving, and attending a family do.

The concerts are annoying, and feel like a waste of money, but I guess helped stop my cold becoming to bad, being driven meant I was able to see War of the Worlds live again, which was great and the family event was not as bad as I expected.

The truth is I went because it was for my Aunt, who I am very fond of and who I wanted to see, however I was very uncomfortable in this social setting, left feeling less of me. I cant do small talk, I cant do talking to people who I don’t really know. The reality is it was a nice meal, my aunt was great, and I think she had a great time, and I was able to hide and look after my granny. The frustration is looking after granny ended up with people thinking I was good, when really I am a fraud. I am glad no one noticed, and hope that people understand my failing. I love AL, UJ and Granny and would not want to disappoint them, but I am not what people think.

I have also met someone who seemed nice, proved to be false, hurt one I love, but might not be to different to me.

So isn’t life great!?

Moving forward

The next couple weeks is more customer visits, month end, and forecasting and then my holiday, and that is what I am looking forward to most. I cant wait to return to Venice, and Rome should be go too!

Surviving YE

Well its been a very hectic few weeks, April is the end of our financial year, and we needed to do in 4 weeks what we had not done in 5 months!

Today was WD5, actuals day, and after so worrying times we have come in on my prediction.

We had a worrying couple of hours were £200k had disappeared, but I found the accounting and processing errors, and we are almost over the line.

It is strange, but I seem to have become pragmatic. The number issues today were not my fault, but I could solve it, just relax and do what I am good at.

I am also 5 working days into the new job, to be fair I have not yet had the chance to make to many changes, but I have a meeting structure planed out, and some key sales and marcoms meetings next week.

I miss read the way in which people would react to their new roles, which is disappointing, but I am working and helping them to adjust, and am confident we can get there. They are a good group, and the new structure plays to their strengths.

So next week is 4 ½ days of meetings, so it will be full on, but we will be a step further on in fixing 4 years worth of mistakes and lost opportunities.

When Monday Comes

After a great weekend, it was the choice between SKY and live, I chose live, and the atmosphere was fantastic. When the winner went in I was even hugged by the stranger next to me!

Team Review:

Stockdale – 6 – A couple of doggy flaps, followed by a couple of great saves
Morrison – 6 – Played at right back for the first time, and was interested, generally a solid game
Hobbs – 7 – Clearly his best game for the Foxes since pre-season
Brown – 7 – A solid game from the old guy, although showed a lack of pace when left 1 on 1 on the half way line
Mattock – 6 – Another good performance, he is starting to position himself so his lack of pace does not expose him.
Gradel – 7 – Quick feet and good passion, if only he could take a corner
Oakley – 7 – Finally a good game from the captain
King – 7 – A solid performance, terrier like in chasing down the ball
Dyer – 8 – Quick, quick, quick where has this play been for the last 3 months
Fryatt – 5 – Very average, to be honest he has not played well since he signed his new contract, it will be interesting to see how he does next season
Howard – 8 – He plays like a lump, but a great header to win the match.

So we need 1 point from 9, if it was to survive relegation, I would have doubts, but I cant believe we wont make it (please?).

Back to work tomorrow, and whilst it will be interesting, it would be nice to have a longer break.

It has been great to spend quality time with Belle, roll on the next break!

What a Weekend

Looking back at my emails I saw that I booked this weekend on Christmas day (I know, but I was planning our weekends, and the plan worked).

I managed to leave the office by 17:30 on Thurday, which meant that we were on the road by 18:45 travelling down to Mum’s. The journey was a bit like travelling the evening before a bank holiday, and we were both very tired, so it was great to arrive at Mum’s and have chicken and chips waiting for us.

Friday dawned wet and yucky, so after breakfast we headed of to Montacute House near Yeovil. We got luck with the weather, it was dry whilst we looked at the first part of the garden, it rained whilst we were in the house, and then was dry when we came out and did the rest of the garden.

There were some interesting rooms, and some nice pictures (except the feet!), and the garden was simply but interesting.

We headed of to our B&B about 16:00, and arrived at 17:00. It was one of those moments when you look at the building in front of you cant be the right place, it looks as big as Montacute. But it was, well part of it was our B&B.

The rooms were fantastic, the Kitchen had great high ceilings, a centre island, and lovely comfortable chairs, it also feature a wonderful wooden stair case.

I knew we have a 4 poster bed in our room, but even knowing that I was surprised at how nice the room was.



It was trying the rain again as we waited for the taxi to go to River Cottage HQ, but in the 5 minute drive the sun came out.

It was a strange thing looking down on the house that we had seen on TV, as the sun started to set over the Dorset hills.

We had a lovely welcome drink, and a blue cheese and beetroot canapé.

I wont go into details of the night, suffice it to say the food and drink was fantastic.

Look at the menu and drool!

Cider brandy with apple juice

Roasted beetroot on blue cheese crostini
Chorizo on egg mayonnaise crostini
Pollock gratin on crostini

Nettle beer

Brawn, pork liver, sourdough, chutney and baby leaves
Crab bisque, dressed crab, herb yoghurt

Slow roast shoulder of mutton, seared loin and leg, little haggis, parsnip purée, green herb sauce

Streamed lemon sponge, orange curd and double cream

Plum wine
Pineau des charentes

Saturday dawned bright and sunny, and unheard for us we were up for 9:00 for our cooked breakfast. It was lovely, and our hosts were very welcoming.

Our (my) plans had always centred around the River Cottage experiences so I had not put much thought into Saturdays activities, that however was fine as my wife had wanted to go fossil hunting in Lyme Regis for almost 30 years!

It was a great sunny day, lots of walking along the beach, which was not to busy. When it was time for lunch we found a restaurant / bar that did bar food, and had 3 fish based starters to share:

Whitebate in breadcrumbs
Tiger Prawns in filo pastry
Crab cakes.

It was a seaside tapas, and was so fresh, it was great!

Refreshed we walked further along the sea front, through the formal gardens and back to the car (via the Mary Anning Museum).

We the made a short trip to Axminster just in case the River Cottage Canteen did not sell stuff when we returned later for dinner. It wont have so we bought some wine, liquor, and chutney (yum).

Then back to the B&B and a lovely soak in the large bath.

So come 19:00 it was off for River Cottage Experience number 2 at the Canteen. A menu with a choice, but as we discovered a venue that turns tables, so the only blot on the River Cottage experience was the rather snooty way were we told ‘We should have been there for 19:00, and had to be out for 21:00, now they could serve us that quickly so it was up to us!’ not sure she really understands the Hue experience.

Again the food was 1st class, so the menu was:

Seared hand dive scallops, potato and garlic purée with canteen chorizo

Belle
Slow roast shoulder and seared loin of organic hoggit, potato gratin buttered greens and rosemary gravy

Lemon curd Eton mess

Me
Slow roast shoulder of organic pork, mash, buttered greens apple sauce and cider gravy

Vanilla yoghurt pannacotta with poach rubarb

As I was driving I was on the apple juice with Elderflower, and Belle was on the Camel Valley red (which I thought tasted young, but Belle enjoyed).

So back home on Sunday after another good breakfast, and in conclusion we had a stonking time, very relaxing, wonderful food, and only 50 miles to drive (other than getting there and back, which does not count).

We both cant wait to go back, and will be pitching to friends next weekend, one is a real foodie, and I am sure he will be up for it, cos he will love it!